Nobody's Hero

Weird Dream

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 21:19:28 GMT

I had this very weird dream this afternoon before I woke up.

I was running the halls trying to get to my bus quicker but I got screwed and my bus left me so I was stuck...I climbed this big ass hill to get to the parking lot for students to find a friend to take me but I had no friends...I ended up sitting in someone's car listening to music for some odd reason when suddenly popped in the car two guys in the backseat...then the owner of the car, who was a girl, got pissed off at me because I was just sitting there, I gave her money but she didn't take it...then she threw me a bunch of cash on the ground and left in the car...

After that I walked down the hill with no money for some reason...went to the school...the guy from the payphone wouldn't leave, then he slammed it down but not hanging up...when I hung it up and started to put coins in the machine he came up and said "You have no Heart" and vanished....and I ended up turning around and no one being there...it freaked me out =\

On a less stranger note, I'm home alone forever! okay well not forever...But I will be spending a lot more time alone. My mom is going to be working all day...My dad's down in Chattanooga...So I'm home alone. That means people should call me more like friends and stuff...so we can hang out and talk...and other people!

New LiveJournal

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 14:06:32 GMT

If anyone wishes to be added to my new LiveJournal...comment here...if not...Goodbye and I'll never see you again.

Dizzy :(

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 17:05:40 GMT

Today has been horrible for me right now. Man =\ My head is killing me and by getting increasingly dizzier by the second...and it's bloody hot...I've been having problems keepign cool today...dunno if it's me or the heat outside...I hope it's the outside thing...And my stomach is killing me =\

Also, I've been eating a lot lately...Like, I eat anything and I don't get full, but now I sort of am because I'm feeling sick and blah =\ I dunno what's wrong. I also think I'm slipping into depression but I'm not sure...could be part of the too much eating...but I feel so sick...I'm going to die =\ Wah

Skewed Sleeping Schedule

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 14:34:13 GMT

Well, I'm just going to talk about my sleeping schedule right now.

At this moment, it's totally screwed. So, all of my friends, just so you know we probably won't be talking much anymore. Have to wait until I can get this sleeping thing straightened. Sorry about that. I really miss talk to you all...=\ I just can't seep to get my sleeping on track...so, I apologize. Anyway, that's all.

Sorry To Those Who Care

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 06:02:41 GMT

What do you care? You don't care if you
aren't 'normal', if you're different - hell,
you prefer it this way. You have an attitude,
and most stay away, if by the rare chance they
can find you. Some think you're strange, some
call you a 'loner', others a 'freak', maybe you
wear dark clothes, but you don't give a shit.
That's what makes you unique. By not being
normal. On the other hand maybe you should give
humanity a shot once in awhile. You can't
survive on your own forever.

Are you absolutely sure you're normal?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hello everyone...

I just want to apologize to any of my friends who happen to want to talk to me or like talking to me or whatever...Wow, I sound very self-centered =\...
Anyway, I just want to apologize because I really would like to talk to you all, especially my close friends, I've just been crappy on my sleep schedule so I'm not staying up in the day...So I see none of you then. I guess it really doesn't matter, but ya know, I feel kind of bad if I'm not here if anyone needs me or anything so it just kind...ya know...irritates me. I'd like to talk to you all more, but I sort of wish to stay away from the computer. And I think that's part of my idea. But, then again, those who can call me don't seem to call me anyway, so it does me no use to tell them anything. But, that's just me being irritated. Anyway, I hope everything with you all is going okay...I hope to maybe talk to more often...I just think that maybe It's not a good thing for me to be on here...Possibly better if I stay off...stay away more often so...That's all...sorry if I seem self-centered or dramatic or anything.

P.S. I love you all...truly I do...And I wish you all happiness and everything else...Sorry if I'm never there for any of you who are close and dear to me. But, it doesn't matter in the end, does it?

Boredom

Tue, 31 May 2005 22:25:50 GMT

Your Icecream Flavour is...
French Vanilla!

You're a smooth and silky suave type! You exude class and you believe in tradition. A classical taste who doesn't like things to be too flashy or showy. Climb the Eiffel tower of taste with a spoonfull of you! Oui Oui!

What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz

Nothing to do...should clean house more, but I don't feel like wasting my time on important stuff like that. I need to take a shower...But, my bathtub won't drain and it's pissing me off. I want some alcohol. Anything...something that will get me drunk, numb, and away from feeling depressed and in pain. Don't worry, I'll be over it in a few days. I think I'm Bipolar=\

I'm An Ass Man!

Sun, 29 May 2005 01:33:41 GMT

You scored as Butt. You are attracted to: the ass! your an ass man/woman.

</td>

Butt

92%

Face

67%

Abs/Stomach

50%

Boobs

25%

Penis

17%

What Body Part Are You Attracted To?(pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

</td>

Existentialist

94%

Cultural Creative

94%

Postmodernist

94%

Materialist

81%

Romanticist

69%

Modernist

50%

Fundamentalist

44%

Idealist

38%

What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Hot. You are Hot, you scream and are wild, people love doing anything sexual with you.

</td>

Hot

88%

Violent

81%

Sweet

75%

Wet

56%

Shy

50%

Exciting

50%

Soft

44%

Awkward

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as A Slave To BDSM. Admit it, you like being tied up and being told you've been very naughty. You like teasing your partner and making them squirm, and not letting them be able to do anything about it. Some people think what you do is sick and disgusting, but you know it's all in good fun.

</td>

Sex God

98%

A Slave To BDSM

98%

A Romantic

48%

Virgin

30%

How are you in bed
created with QuizFarm.com

Today-.-Evil

Sat, 28 May 2005 22:17:12 GMT

Today was the day to begin on work on my lazy brother's apartment. We got half of the apartment done..Meeeeee doing most of theblasted painting-.- God I'm sore...well, only below my belt. I can't bend over for a long time right now ...I start shaking really bad =\ It freaks me out...because it's never happened before and I bend over and I start going into little quakes.

I need a shower...I'm covered in pain...I'm pain...My hair's a mess...God truly hates me. I feel like a manly man now. doing good ole manual labor. Anyway, that's about it for today. We'll be doing more the rest of this weekend...yay for me not doing nothing...And soon we'll begin working on this house to move. So, that means computer time will be cut short. If anyone wishes to talk to me...please email me...or if you know my number...please call me when this time begins tot ake place.

PAIN

Sat, 28 May 2005 06:19:22 GMT

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

Most of these are right...I guess...

Another Quiz

Tue, 24 May 2005 20:28:13 GMT

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Donald is your soulmate.

You truly love Freddy.

You consider Ben your true friend.

You know that Shera is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Whitney for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Shaun is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Christina is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Rob is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Rob changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Whitney is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Whitney has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

This one is freaky-.-

Woo quiz thingie

Tue, 24 May 2005 20:11:12 GMT

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Wow...couple of those are true...the 100% cheating thing is false though. If I could just find a love that ya know...is experimental in bed than ya know. I'd be 100% good. But, lol, besides that...Most of those are preeeeeetty right. Damn these things at being right...

In other news, I pitched another perfect game. I hope I get my permit back soon...We found a house ^.^ If they accept us we're in! And we still aren't cleaning this house...lazy bunch of arses we are.

The Perfect Game

Sun, 22 May 2005 05:02:12 GMT

OMG! I know this isn't big or anything or whatever and it's only fictional but I'm so proud of myself and I love video games and wah wah wha wha wah.

I own a baseball game named MVP Baseball 2005...and I was pitching against the Yankees on one of the toughest levels of the game...And and and...I threw a PERFECT GAME! I gave up no hits, no batters on base...I got all 27 out in a row...gave up no runs of course I had 14 strikeouts ^.^ YAY! I'm so happy about it! I've never done it before and I came so close to blowing it...one of the batters hit a chopper and I had to run off the mound and it floated slowly and the batter was speedy and I threw it as hard as I can and got him out just in time and that saved it! YAY I'm so proud! ^.^ FIRST TIME EVER! GOD! I know it's childish but DAMN! YAY!

Anyway, hehe ^.^ nothing new

Woke Up Today...bah

Fri, 20 May 2005 18:29:49 GMT

So far, nothing has happened today and will not happen. God it's going to be another boring summer. I have to move...and I have no one to be with. No friends, no girlfriends, no one close. Just the computer, my music, and my video games. Just like always. I don't want to move =\ I don't want to have to make new friends. I don't want to leave this place. I'm tired of moving and I'm tired of having no one but I can't have anyone because no one wants me. And everyone I want either is taken, doesn't want me, or I'm afraid to ask out on a date because I'm too fearful of rejection. And I would like to get my license so I can have a bit more confidence on going on a date. But noooooooooooooooooo...schoolboard hates me. I need to kill myself. Or become a cold-hearted, apathetic, rock like I used to be and not care about being alone. Everyone I love doesn't realize that...and never truly love me back. I bitch about this all the time. But, it's the truth. Then again, I'm often confused on who I want or who I like...yet I understand I don't want anyone or care to have anyone. Which is petty much absurd because I'm beginning to hate existence. Gah, why cant' everyone stop lying to me or deceiving me or make me feel something that I should not feel...God kill me.

Pointless Wandering of Chattanooga

Fri, 20 May 2005 02:45:52 GMT

Today was spent traveling around the mass area we call Hamilton County. We searched for apartments and only one house. We found this amazing town house...but it's too much for us to rent which is a big disappointment. *sighs* God definitely hates me.

Also, I'm tired of people and myself bitching about love. Useless females who go "Omg I need love" and useless males going "Fuck Love" It's becoming old. No one needs love. Only the weak, blind, selfish, greedy ones need it and when they get it they basically overlook it. They basically crave and crave and crave and yet give NONE in return. Yeah, females, IT'S A TWO SIDED THING. You can't crave all of it. Nor can males. And I'm really tired of this weak, scared, emotionally greedy, feminine, insecure bullshit society I have to live in. Love is great...but not when you go about it the wrong away like everyone around me does. God...Why can't I just smack everyone across the face repeatedly and make them realize the god damn truth.

That's my rant for the night. My brother is whining and crying because his girlfriend wants to move out. Boo fucking hoo. God these weak idiots. I can't WAIT till I'm out of that fucking stage. All my boohooing and loving over ANYONE gets me NOWHERE. So, why should I continue to love anyone? What's the point when it's passed over, overshadowed, destroyed, ruined, broken, and anything else you can think of? Eh, like the song goes...Don't talk of love...It's sleeping in my memory...I won't disturb its slumber of feelings that have died...If I never loved, I never would have cried...I am a rock, I am an island.

God, when will this society stop being weak and moronic and when can I escape it?

Mourning and a Poem "Reminder" by Me

Wed, 18 May 2005 16:54:12 GMT

As the day began, and the sun drifted slowly up into the morning blue sky...all seemed perfect and peaceful. The world seemed to be as one as the end of my days here started commenced countdown. When I returned to the school that has caused me much grief, but much pleasure, tears began to flow among my table. Not because of knowing my departure...but the lost of one close to them. Though, not close to me, the shadow of grief enveloped my heart as their tears poured non-stop...It was another fatal car crash that killed two of them...The end of two young lives have passed...And though they were not close to me, I still mourn for the losses that have come to pass...And I miss them already...knowing that it's all over for them...and here I am...grieving that I must move. But, even though they are gone, their spirits ever linger such as mine will once I am moved...It goes to show that we must hold dear the moments we have hear on Earth...because we can lose it within a mere instant. Just remember, everything begins...and it ends...but it always begins again...rather on Earth or in Heaven...the cycle remains the same.

"Reminder"

Today I found out,
That you were gone,
Just a glimpse of the night,
And you were gone;
Never did I think this would happen,
Never did I believe it could,
But in the night you were taken,
Removed from this world too early;
When I heard the news,
I could not believe it,
It hit like a ton of lead,
When I found out you were gone;
A shadow passed over my heart and soul,
You were another fatality,
That came too soon,
You were another death,
That ended so dramatically;
So many tears have been shed,
So many hearts have sunk,
They've all felt the pain of death,
They've realized the gift of life.

And as they put you into the ground,
With you went all of our hearts,
Dragging down beneath the earth,
Trapped beside you, dying slowly;
But for one fleeting moment,
As the shined through the clouds,
Casting its heavenly light upon the world,
Lighting up the drew soaked grass,
Sending soft reflections of light all around,
We realized the value of life;
And though you are gone,
Taken from us until the end of our lives,
Your spirit will ever linger,
Reminding us of the true value,
Of this miraculous gift we call life.

Bought Some New Bookies

Wed, 18 May 2005 02:18:34 GMT

Now I've added four more books to my book collection. At this moment, I'm waiting for WHITNEY *glares* to send my WELL belated birthday present which she seems to still have not sent-.- Mean girl. Anyway, I've added four more books to my collection. Tonight I bought Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, two little books of collected works of Ralph Waldo Emerson, and book of Robert Frost's poems. I also bought the entire...unabridged version of The Count of Monte Cristo earlier last week. So, yes, I'm adding a lot to my library. Woo for Tyler's Library. I have Dante, Asimov, Aristotle, Homer, Ovid, Horace, Poe, Emerson, Rand, alot more. And I better get my present from WHITNEY soon *glares more*

Also, I found my Led Zeppelin cds! Woot!. And we're looking for a house in around Chattanooga toward a school called Hixson...supposed to be the best. I hope we get one close to that. Seems like it will be nice.

Woot One Day Left

Tue, 17 May 2005 17:35:42 GMT

Today is the beginning of the end of my school days here at Bearden High School. I did 1st and 2nd period finals today...Failed first one...English was easy...stupid easy ass English finals.

Anyway, July sometime might be when I finally move to Chattanooga it seems like. When I get there, I hope to start brand new and remove myself from this internet world. Leave it behind. Say goodbye to everyone on here and be free from it. The internet world is such a pointless dramatic world. Unfortunately, I became a part of that. Oh well. Life goes on does it not?

So, therefore, the friendships I have on here...most of them will most likely fade or end. That'll be happiness for a lot of you =P

Here's to You

Mon, 16 May 2005 21:56:23 GMT

Another four years have gone by,
Another beginning has ended,
And even though this is all ending,
I cannot believe it's so soon;
All of the friends I made,
All of the love I have,
They're all beginning to fade,
I know the end is near;
Even though my heart is still yours,
Even though I've shed so many tears for you,
I'm glad that I had this experience,
I thank you for giving me a glimpse,
A glance of a little happiness;
And from this day I move foward,
And from this day on my memories stay,
For my eyes are looking ahead of me,
To the future that patiently awaits,
And that is where I am headed.

Thank you all for the great memories and the great friendship you have given me. There is no way I can repay any of you for the kindness you have shown me. I only hope that everything for you in your lives will come true...and that I hope all your dreams will be fulfilled. Have a great summer, a great year, and I hope to see you all sometime in the future.
Best Wishes, Tyler.

P.S. Never Give Up.

Just So you know

Mon, 16 May 2005 00:24:45 GMT

Soon I'm going to be making this a friend's only journal...so...if you wish to see into my life...please drop a comment here...and I will choose to do so or not.

What I Cannot Have

Mon, 16 May 2005 00:16:31 GMT

My poem...new poem...

This passion they hold,
I cannot have,
All of these emotions,
That they sing praise of,
Are things that are nevermind,
And never can be;
What a world of jubliation,
They all seem to live in,
What a world of glory,
I cannot be a part of,
All of their hearts on their sleeves,
Out pouring their souls to each other,
Nothing I can never be a part of;
My eyes have watched,
All of this day and night,
Seeing all of them together,
Holding each other,
Being there forever,
With my envy growing,
This world they have,
They keep from me,
For what they have,
As scarred me for life...
I cannot go back...
My heart can no longer feel...

Updating

Sat, 14 May 2005 19:26:26 GMT

Welp, now I've realize this...

I have no choice in moving at all. No choice at all. So, I have to move...there's no other way.

Supposedly we're going to get this great condo by the lake and mountains...but, doesn't interest me. I want to stay here...I don't want to move.

Also, all the plans I have for this summer is pretty much ruined. I probably won't meet Whitney...My friends and I here won't do anything most likely. Everything is just completely fucked. See, now I know God hates me. Thanks for the change of scenery lord...Thanks for doing it when I don't want it...

Something's lost and something's gained...in living everyday...

It's right..but nothing is final

Also, I've gotten my driving privileges taken away by the county schoolsystem for being sick too much and for lack of academic progress...even though my progress was great this year but fucked by THEIR system...and being sick too much didn't matter. I'm fucking sick-.- I get screwed by everyone. I need to kill myself-_-

Bad News

Sat, 14 May 2005 09:41:06 GMT

This is my situation...a difficult position...

My dad has been asked now to move from here to Chattanooga. They WANT him to move...There are two things on the line. One is my happiness with the teachers here, and the other is my father's job. I found out yesterday...And trust me, this is the first time I've cried about moving. This would ruin my teenager years completely because I just...arg!

Possibly, my mom and I may stay here in Knoxville...find a little apartment I guess, and let me graduate here while my dad works down in Chattanooga and we commute to visit him here and there. Or, I move. Which, in anycase, will mean I wouldn't be on the computer for a couple of weeks or so. So, yes, everything is turning into a big humbug of crap.

Also, I've been debating other things in my mind on what I should do during this summer...besides this moving situation. Personally, I'm not sure what I should and can do =\ There are a few things I'd like to do...and moving is not one of them. *sighs* Can God Leave me alone and just stop tormenting me?

Erosion

Thu, 12 May 2005 02:09:32 GMT

Out from the voice,
Comes a little lie,
A deception for all to hear,
An innocence that all believe;
Such fallacies that roam through here,
I am but the center of them all,
The poison you sing to them
Gathers them to you to do your bidding,
To scorn and antagonize,
When they know nothing.

Who's to blame? We all point fingers,
Blaming each other,
As if there's no other scapegoat,
We've lost the friendship,
We've lost the truth,
There is a war beginning,
That seems to never end,
What will become of it?
No one knows-
The strength is crumbling,
Under the games we play.

Neither of us trying to stop it,
Neither of us giving up on it,
Yet battling each other,
What a world of strife,
That we must suffer,
To see if we can find out way out,
And make it back to land of peace;
But when I look around,
Looking out at this world we've created,
I've begun to see the signs,
That all is slowly falling-
The mighty tower is tumbling...

But when it falls...
Can it be rebuilt?

Contemplating Dagger

Thu, 12 May 2005 00:36:48 GMT

The world around me,
Is growing cold,
People have begun turning,
All I can see is their backs;
And in my hand,
I hold a shiney dagger,
Wondering if I should stick it in,
And see how they like it;
Then they begin to slowly walk away,
Leaving me deserted in this darkness,
Clutching the dagger in fear,
As all have left to help me;
The ones that I love,
Who promised to never leave,
To never give up,
Have now all walked from me,
Leaving me only with the silver dagger,
And contemplations in my head;
This is where I am,
Caught in a balance of life and death,
But I live in cold and darkness,
Wondering will there be someone to help;
All my hopes have left me,
All my dreams are gone,
All my friends have flown away,
Leaving me only this dagger,
Leaving me only myself,
To contemplate and wait,
To see what will come next.

School Is Almost Over

Wed, 11 May 2005 21:55:21 GMT

Finally, the ending of school is near and I cannot wait for it. Too bad I have to spend early morning and late afternoon in school making up for crap that's pointless-.- I hate this county system...Someone needs to blow it up.

Tuesday I dominated in basketball...I played tough competetors as well...we played a game called 21...four of us...and I ended up winning both games and scoreing a total oer 50 points...I also, from halfcout, hit a shot backwards...launching it over my head and hit it perfectly. It was beyond godly.

Today, I wasn't as good but I got a double double..14 points 11 rebounds. If I could play players my height I would win everything. XD But, yeah, I'm still reletively not tall enough. I play baseball anyway. Yay for baseball.

Also, Last saturday I saw an hilarious play...just thought I'd add that in.

And I'm growing a beard.