Nobody's Hero

I had this very weird dream this afternoon before I woke up.

I was running the halls trying to get to my bus quicker but I got screwed and my bus left me so I was stuck...I climbed this big ass hill to get to the parking lot for students to find a friend to take me but I had no friends...I ended up sitting in someone's car listening to music for some odd reason when suddenly popped in the car two guys in the backseat...then the owner of the car, who was a girl, got pissed off at me because I was just sitting there, I gave her money but she didn't take it...then she threw me a bunch of cash on the ground and left in the car...

After that I walked down the hill with no money for some reason...went to the school...the guy from the payphone wouldn't leave, then he slammed it down but not hanging up...when I hung it up and started to put coins in the machine he came up and said "You have no Heart" and vanished....and I ended up turning around and no one being there...it freaked me out =\

On a less stranger note, I'm home alone forever! okay well not forever...But I will be spending a lot more time alone. My mom is going to be working all day...My dad's down in Chattanooga...So I'm home alone. That means people should call me more like friends and stuff...so we can hang out and talk...and other people!

If anyone wishes to be added to my new LiveJournal...comment here...if not...Goodbye and I'll never see you again.

Today has been horrible for me right now. Man =\ My head is killing me and by getting increasingly dizzier by the second...and it's bloody hot...I've been having problems keepign cool today...dunno if it's me or the heat outside...I hope it's the outside thing...And my stomach is killing me =\

Also, I've been eating a lot lately...Like, I eat anything and I don't get full, but now I sort of am because I'm feeling sick and blah =\ I dunno what's wrong. I also think I'm slipping into depression but I'm not sure...could be part of the too much eating...but I feel so sick...I'm going to die =\ Wah

Well, I'm just going to talk about my sleeping schedule right now.

At this moment, it's totally screwed. So, all of my friends, just so you know we probably won't be talking much anymore. Have to wait until I can get this sleeping thing straightened. Sorry about that. I really miss talk to you all...=\ I just can't seep to get my sleeping on track...so, I apologize. Anyway, that's all.

What do you care? You don't care if you
aren't 'normal', if you're different - hell,
you prefer it this way. You have an attitude,
and most stay away, if by the rare chance they
can find you. Some think you're strange, some
call you a 'loner', others a 'freak', maybe you
wear dark clothes, but you don't give a shit.
That's what makes you unique. By not being
normal. On the other hand maybe you should give
humanity a shot once in awhile. You can't
survive on your own forever.


Are you absolutely sure you're normal?
brought to you by Quizilla





Hello everyone...

I just want to apologize to any of my friends who happen to want to talk to me or like talking to me or whatever...Wow, I sound very self-centered =\...
Anyway, I just want to apologize because I really would like to talk to you all, especially my close friends, I've just been crappy on my sleep schedule so I'm not staying up in the day...So I see none of you then. I guess it really doesn't matter, but ya know, I feel kind of bad if I'm not here if anyone needs me or anything so it just kind...ya know...irritates me. I'd like to talk to you all more, but I sort of wish to stay away from the computer. And I think that's part of my idea. But, then again, those who can call me don't seem to call me anyway, so it does me no use to tell them anything. But, that's just me being irritated. Anyway, I hope everything with you all is going okay...I hope to maybe talk to more often...I just think that maybe It's not a good thing for me to be on here...Possibly better if I stay off...stay away more often so...That's all...sorry if I seem self-centered or dramatic or anything.

P.S. I love you all...truly I do...And I wish you all happiness and everything else...Sorry if I'm never there for any of you who are close and dear to me. But, it doesn't matter in the end, does it?

Your Icecream Flavour is... French Vanilla!

You're a smooth and silky suave type! You exude class and you believe in tradition. A classical taste who doesn't like things to be too flashy or showy. Climb the Eiffel tower of taste with a spoonfull of you! Oui Oui!

What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz


Nothing to do...should clean house more, but I don't feel like wasting my time on important stuff like that. I need to take a shower...But, my bathtub won't drain and it's pissing me off. I want some alcohol. Anything...something that will get me drunk, numb, and away from feeling depressed and in pain. Don't worry, I'll be over it in a few days. I think I'm Bipolar=\

Today was the day to begin on work on my lazy brother's apartment. We got half of the apartment done..Meeeeee doing most of theblasted painting-.- God I'm sore...well, only below my belt. I can't bend over for a long time right now ...I start shaking really bad =\ It freaks me out...because it's never happened before and I bend over and I start going into little quakes.

I need a shower...I'm covered in pain...I'm pain...My hair's a mess...God truly hates me. I feel like a manly man now. doing good ole manual labor. Anyway, that's about it for today. We'll be doing more the rest of this weekend...yay for me not doing nothing...And soon we'll begin working on this house to move. So, that means computer time will be cut short. If anyone wishes to talk to me...please email me...or if you know my number...please call me when this time begins tot ake place.

PAIN

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

Most of these are right...I guess...

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Donald is your soulmate.

You truly love Freddy.

You consider Ben your true friend.

You know that Shera is always thinking of you.

You'll remember Whitney for the rest of your life.

You secretly think Shaun is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that Christina is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that Rob is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Rob changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think Whitney is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Whitney has a hidden internet romance.

This one is freaky-.-

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

Wow...couple of those are true...the 100% cheating thing is false though. If I could just find a love that ya know...is experimental in bed than ya know. I'd be 100% good. But, lol, besides that...Most of those are preeeeeetty right. Damn these things at being right...

In other news, I pitched another perfect game. I hope I get my permit back soon...We found a house ^.^ If they accept us we're in! And we still aren't cleaning this house...lazy bunch of arses we are.

OMG! I know this isn't big or anything or whatever and it's only fictional but I'm so proud of myself and I love video games and wah wah wha wha wah.

I own a baseball game named MVP Baseball 2005...and I was pitching against the Yankees on one of the toughest levels of the game...And and and...I threw a PERFECT GAME! I gave up no hits, no batters on base...I got all 27 out in a row...gave up no runs of course I had 14 strikeouts ^.^ YAY! I'm so happy about it! I've never done it before and I came so close to blowing it...one of the batters hit a chopper and I had to run off the mound and it floated slowly and the batter was speedy and I threw it as hard as I can and got him out just in time and that saved it! YAY I'm so proud! ^.^ FIRST TIME EVER! GOD! I know it's childish but DAMN! YAY!

Anyway, hehe ^.^ nothing new

So far, nothing has happened today and will not happen. God it's going to be another boring summer. I have to move...and I have no one to be with. No friends, no girlfriends, no one close. Just the computer, my music, and my video games. Just like always. I don't want to move =\ I don't want to have to make new friends. I don't want to leave this place. I'm tired of moving and I'm tired of having no one but I can't have anyone because no one wants me. And everyone I want either is taken, doesn't want me, or I'm afraid to ask out on a date because I'm too fearful of rejection. And I would like to get my license so I can have a bit more confidence on going on a date. But noooooooooooooooooo...schoolboard hates me. I need to kill myself. Or become a cold-hearted, apathetic, rock like I used to be and not care about being alone. Everyone I love doesn't realize that...and never truly love me back. I bitch about this all the time. But, it's the truth. Then again, I'm often confused on who I want or who I like...yet I understand I don't want anyone or care to have anyone. Which is petty much absurd because I'm beginning to hate existence. Gah, why cant' everyone stop lying to me or deceiving me or make me feel something that I should not feel...God kill me.

Today was spent traveling around the mass area we call Hamilton County. We searched for apartments and only one house. We found this amazing town house...but it's too much for us to rent which is a big disappointment. *sighs* God definitely hates me.

Also, I'm tired of people and myself bitching about love. Useless females who go "Omg I need love" and useless males going "Fuck Love" It's becoming old. No one needs love. Only the weak, blind, selfish, greedy ones need it and when they get it they basically overlook it. They basically crave and crave and crave and yet give NONE in return. Yeah, females, IT'S A TWO SIDED THING. You can't crave all of it. Nor can males. And I'm really tired of this weak, scared, emotionally greedy, feminine, insecure bullshit society I have to live in. Love is great...but not when you go about it the wrong away like everyone around me does. God...Why can't I just smack everyone across the face repeatedly and make them realize the god damn truth.

That's my rant for the night. My brother is whining and crying because his girlfriend wants to move out. Boo fucking hoo. God these weak idiots. I can't WAIT till I'm out of that fucking stage. All my boohooing and loving over ANYONE gets me NOWHERE. So, why should I continue to love anyone? What's the point when it's passed over, overshadowed, destroyed, ruined, broken, and anything else you can think of? Eh, like the song goes...Don't talk of love...It's sleeping in my memory...I won't disturb its slumber of feelings that have died...If I never loved, I never would have cried...I am a rock, I am an island.

God, when will this society stop being weak and moronic and when can I escape it?

As the day began, and the sun drifted slowly up into the morning blue sky...all seemed perfect and peaceful. The world seemed to be as one as the end of my days here started commenced countdown. When I returned to the school that has caused me much grief, but much pleasure, tears began to flow among my table. Not because of knowing my departure...but the lost of one close to them. Though, not close to me, the shadow of grief enveloped my heart as their tears poured non-stop...It was another fatal car crash that killed two of them...The end of two young lives have passed...And though they were not close to me, I still mourn for the losses that have come to pass...And I miss them already...knowing that it's all over for them...and here I am...grieving that I must move. But, even though they are gone, their spirits ever linger such as mine will once I am moved...It goes to show that we must hold dear the moments we have hear on Earth...because we can lose it within a mere instant. Just remember, everything begins...and it ends...but it always begins again...rather on Earth or in Heaven...the cycle remains the same.

"Reminder"

Today I found out,
That you were gone,
Just a glimpse of the night,
And you were gone;
Never did I think this would happen,
Never did I believe it could,
But in the night you were taken,
Removed from this world too early;
When I heard the news,
I could not believe it,
It hit like a ton of lead,
When I found out you were gone;
A shadow passed over my heart and soul,
You were another fatality,
That came too soon,
You were another death,
That ended so dramatically;
So many tears have been shed,
So many hearts have sunk,
They've all felt the pain of death,
They've realized the gift of life.

And as they put you into the ground,
With you went all of our hearts,
Dragging down beneath the earth,
Trapped beside you, dying slowly;
But for one fleeting moment,
As the shined through the clouds,
Casting its heavenly light upon the world,
Lighting up the drew soaked grass,
Sending soft reflections of light all around,
We realized the value of life;
And though you are gone,
Taken from us until the end of our lives,
Your spirit will ever linger,
Reminding us of the true value,
Of this miraculous gift we call life.

Now I've added four more books to my book collection. At this moment, I'm waiting for WHITNEY *glares* to send my WELL belated birthday present which she seems to still have not sent-.- Mean girl. Anyway, I've added four more books to my collection. Tonight I bought Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand, two little books of collected works of Ralph Waldo Emerson, and book of Robert Frost's poems. I also bought the entire...unabridged version of The Count of Monte Cristo earlier last week. So, yes, I'm adding a lot to my library. Woo for Tyler's Library. I have Dante, Asimov, Aristotle, Homer, Ovid, Horace, Poe, Emerson, Rand, alot more. And I better get my present from WHITNEY soon *glares more*

Also, I found my Led Zeppelin cds! Woot!. And we're looking for a house in around Chattanooga toward a school called Hixson...supposed to be the best. I hope we get one close to that. Seems like it will be nice.

Today is the beginning of the end of my school days here at Bearden High School. I did 1st and 2nd period finals today...Failed first one...English was easy...stupid easy ass English finals.

Anyway, July sometime might be when I finally move to Chattanooga it seems like. When I get there, I hope to start brand new and remove myself from this internet world. Leave it behind. Say goodbye to everyone on here and be free from it. The internet world is such a pointless dramatic world. Unfortunately, I became a part of that. Oh well. Life goes on does it not?

So, therefore, the friendships I have on here...most of them will most likely fade or end. That'll be happiness for a lot of you =P

Another four years have gone by,
Another beginning has ended,
And even though this is all ending,
I cannot believe it's so soon;
All of the friends I made,
All of the love I have,
They're all beginning to fade,
I know the end is near;
Even though my heart is still yours,
Even though I've shed so many tears for you,
I'm glad that I had this experience,
I thank you for giving me a glimpse,
A glance of a little happiness;
And from this day I move foward,
And from this day on my memories stay,
For my eyes are looking ahead of me,
To the future that patiently awaits,
And that is where I am headed.



Thank you all for the great memories and the great friendship you have given me. There is no way I can repay any of you for the kindness you have shown me. I only hope that everything for you in your lives will come true...and that I hope all your dreams will be fulfilled. Have a great summer, a great year, and I hope to see you all sometime in the future.
Best Wishes, Tyler.

P.S. Never Give Up.

Soon I'm going to be making this a friend's only journal...so...if you wish to see into my life...please drop a comment here...and I will choose to do so or not.

My poem...new poem...

This passion they hold,
I cannot have,
All of these emotions,
That they sing praise of,
Are things that are nevermind,
And never can be;
What a world of jubliation,
They all seem to live in,
What a world of glory,
I cannot be a part of,
All of their hearts on their sleeves,
Out pouring their souls to each other,
Nothing I can never be a part of;
My eyes have watched,
All of this day and night,
Seeing all of them together,
Holding each other,
Being there forever,
With my envy growing,
This world they have,
They keep from me,
For what they have,
As scarred me for life...
I cannot go back...
My heart can no longer feel...